Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We left the knife in your bed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
