whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
