smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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