It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
