Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
