did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
