We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
