yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
