I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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