Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
