Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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