i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
