i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
