I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Pants are for mortals
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
