You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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