So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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