All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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