just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
