Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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