I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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