this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
