Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
