can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
