Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
MIDGETS
????
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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