you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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