what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
