i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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