I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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