Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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