A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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