Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Operation Purity has been aborted
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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