Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
