If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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