what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
