I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
