They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
