I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
