I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
