Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
