I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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