mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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