My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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