I can't watch pbs sober anymore
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
