the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
