every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
