I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
