once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
