The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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