I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
