Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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