yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
