I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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