I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He told me they were just razor bumps!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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